Relocating for Love By Vicki Hopkins

As you enter into the world of online dating, you'll soon find out that you can search for your potential mate from 1 to 2,000 miles away or more. While this gives you a wide range of choices, it can also present a wide range of problems. If your long-distance relationship has succeeded and you fall in love, the next obvious course of action will probably be that one of you will make the commitment to relocate to be closer to the other person. Here are some things to consider before you hire the moving van and pack your bags.

Housing Issues

Depending on how settled you are in the town you live in, you may be giving up little or you may be giving up much. There is little risk of loss if you currently live in an apartment, but there are potential risks of loss should you own your own home. You should consider the following if you're a homeowner that needs to sell:

What will it cost me financially to sell my home?

Will I gain or lose in the current marketplace?

Will the cost of a realtor eat up any equity I may have gained?

Will I need to invest money to make any repairs to make my home marketable?

Will the proceeds from the sale of my home give me enough cash to get started in a new location?

Does it make more sense for me to keep my home as an investment and rent it out, just in case I need to return?

What you leave behind is important, but where you're headed is as well. Here are things to consider should you decide to relocate to a new location:

Do you have the money to move?

Will you haul it yourself or hire a moving company?

Have you thoroughly checked out the housing situation in the town you're moving to? For example, rent pricing, housing pricing, location, schools, shopping. What is the housing market like? Is it thriving or in a down swing?

If you decide to move in with your new found love, what will you do with all your furniture and other items? Will you bring them? Will you store them? Will you sell them and just move with essentials?

Career Issues

Career issues are just as important. If you're not getting married right away, you're going to have to support yourself. You should be thinking of researching jobs before you leave and considering the following:

Have you checked the unemployment rate in the area you're moving to?

Have you checked the median salary range for your career job type?

Does it make more sense for you to relocate or for your partner to relocate? Who has the most to lose if they quit their job?

Will you move first and find a job second, or will you find a job first and then move second?

What will you do about benefits should you move without a job?

What will you do if you cannot find work? Do you have any cash to survive?

Family Issues

What about your family? If you're close to your own family, you're going to be breaking ties for not only yourself, but possibly your children. The decision to move will effect not only you, but your family and your children. Consider the following before you go:

We you willing to leave loved family members behind, and if so, how do they feel about your relocating?

What about your lover's family? Will you be moving close to them, and if so, have they accepted you wholeheartedly into their family?

What about children? Will you be relocating your child or children to a new area, new schools, and having them leaving their friends behind? What kind of support system will you give your children in the relocation process?

Relationship Issues

The fact that this relationship started on a long-distance note, gives it extra challenges for survival. Before you decide to relocate, you should be extremely certain of the following:

Have you spent enough time with this individual to truly know who they are?

Do you have a commitment for marriage or are you going just hoping it will come to that?

Have you thoroughly checked out this person, done background checks, etc. just to be safe?

What will you do if after you move, it doesn't work out? Do you have a Plan B in place or any contingency back-up plan?

Has this person committed to helping you in your relocation or will they let you sink or swim?

Personal Experience and a Word of Caution

The author has personal up-front experience on relocating for love. Having done so myself, I met someone online who lived 450 miles away. We became engaged after an eight month long-distance relationship. I eventually made the decision to move to be with him. He was unwilling to relocation because of his career. So for the sake of love, I sacrificed a
brand new home, a wonderful job, and a thriving business on the side.

The outcome? Three months after I moved, my fiance got cold feet. I spent the next 18 months dating him, but couldn't find a job. The town I moved to was economically depressed, small, and I was an outsider. No one would hire me. He gave me no financial support, so to survive I lived off of retirement money later eaten up by penalties and taxes. Still cold in his marital commitment, I finally decided to return to my hometown and restarted my life. After my return, I found work and our relationship died, but I was financially devastated and without a home to return to.

Making the Decision

Before you make the decision to even start a relationship with someone who lives long distance on an online dating site, consider the challenges ahead. There are success stories, and, yes, some relocations do work out. However, not all relocations for love are successful, and there can be consequences you hadn't considered. So before you start searching, search your heart. Do you want to relocate or should you keep your
search close to home?

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